Hello fellow survivors!

Harper Bloom here. Every now and then, I'll pop in to write something personal. Today feels like one of those days.

Seven Years Later

It has been seven years since we "got out," and even now, we are still dealing with the heart-stomping behavior of my child's father. He continues to find ways to hurt me all this time later, and yes, he often has the support of our local family court.

Emotionally, this is exhausting. The pain isn’t the same as it was when I missed him. Those wounds have healed. But the constant turmoil still takes its toll. Thankfully, I have found the love of my life, something I never thought would happen. Even so, the chaos my ex creates puts stress on our entire family.

The Full Stay-Away from IDV Has Meant Nothing

For six of these seven years, we had a full stay-away order of protection. The first year, it was temporary, then a five-year order after his conviction. That order just expired last month. But back in January 2023, while the order was still in effect, New York State Family Court granted him unsupervised access to our son.

Since then, my son has returned home with a black eye twice. His father has raised his fist at him. He stalks us, he’s been arrested multiple times, and the list could go on and on. Yet the court still allows the unsupervised visits to continue.

...And There's Another Arrest 

In 2024, we were back in court. This time I filed the petition first because he had been arrested yet again for stalking and harassment. Family court did not seem to care at all that this had happened. Instead of him getting restricted visits or any sort of consequence whatsoever, I was ordered to make up every single day he missed, whether it was because he was sitting in jail or simply failed to show up.

The system punished me for his behavior.

Now, we are back in family court once again. And this time, he has requested even more time with our son, including overnight visits, additional time during summer break, and expanded holiday time (he already has five unsupervised hours on every single holiday since 2023). And since 2023, he has had every other weekend during the day for visitation... UNSUPERVISED. 

The System is Broken

I literally drop him off myself at the local grocery store for unsupervised time.Why should anyone have to go through meeting their abuser with zero supervision to drop their child off for unsupervised visitation while there is a full stay-away order of protection from domestic violence court? What kind of system does this?

Up until several months ago, when the Judge said my husband could come with me to drop-off, I would literally sit in that parking lot for HOURS with him threatening me and our son, belittling us, and making us feel like complete garbage. He wouldn't even let our son get out of his vehicle and into mine until he was done saying what he wanted to say. 

Did I tell the judge at Family Court? Sure did. Did it help? Nope. 

Revoked Access for Therapy

What is even more alarming is that he is arguing our son should not be permitted to see a therapist at all.

Back in April 2025, our son began having nightmares so severe that he had to come sleep with me and his stepfather. His doctor documented that these nightmares were triggered by his father’s threats... threats to take him from the home he’s lived in his whole life, to move him into a completely different school district, or even out of state. 

In June 2025, we found a therapist who specialized in trauma. Unlike other therapists he had seen, he bonded with her. He finally opened up, sharing details about what was happening at his father’s house after keeping it all bottled up for so long. She documented that there was abuse occurring.

But because New York State granted joint custody at the start of this nightmare, she could not continue past intake without his father’s consent. And no surprise...he denied it.

As I write this, it is nearly October 2025, and our son still has no access to therapy. The very person who causes the harm has been given the power to block his healing.

He Makes Sure We KNOW He has Guns

There's more...while he was legally required to surrender all firearms under that five-year order of protection, covering both me and my son, he has hunted every single year.

He has posted photos of himself publicly on social media with weapons and game, hunting at a blind he built about a mile down the road from us. In the opposite direction, he opened a business, so he passes our home constantly.

For seven years, he has driven back and forth past our house at least three times a day.

When I reported this to the police, I was told that because we live on a public road, he is allowed to do so even though he knows it terrifies us. It is an unspoken reminder that he is nearby and still watching.

Why Doesn't a Pattern of Behavior Count for Anything?

I was also told, over and over, that if I just kept documentation—pictures, police reports, anything I could collect and built a pattern of behavior, eventually he would be charged. Well, here we are, seven years and countless documented incidents later, and we still have no help.

I know everywhere has problems like these, but how does this man never get into real trouble for what he has done? How do we, as survivors, keep being told to “just keep documenting” when nothing ever changes? Is it because we live in New York State? Would another state keep us more protected?

I’ve also had very limited access to resources, and that is exactly why I started Blooming Lilies LLC. I was given the big, mainstream resources, but no one told me there were dozens of smaller, specialized resources out there that could have supported me. Knowing more was out there could have made life so much easier for my family.

I never want another survivor to go through this without knowing what options exist. You deserve access to every resource, not just the biggest ones that get mentioned first.

And although we haven’t had much help from organizations, officials, the court, or the police, I still hold onto hope... hope that one day we will be free, and that someone, somewhere, will have an idea of how to help.

Everyone in Town Knows

Everyone in town knows he’s bad news. But when he speaks, he is persuasive and charming, almost magnetic. People who should know better get pulled in. Even my own brother and sister-in-law, seven years later, have chosen to bring him back into their lives.

They now let their children spend time around the same man who abused me, abused my children, and still harms their nephew. And my family has had to make the difficult choice to break apart from them. 

And...Another Arrest...Again...and Again

Just this month, he was arrested for stalking and charged with two counts of criminal contempt. But when we went to court, the charges were dismissed because his attorney claimed it “wasn’t stalking” since he happened to pull into the coffee shop 20 seconds after I did.

TWENTY SECONDS?!

Let's say it was 20 seconds. How is that not stalking? Yet again, the bad guy wins.

He's Always Looking to Hurt People

Today, as if to twist the knife, he decided to introduce our son to another child he’s never met before. Our son is ten. This boy, his half-brother, is thirteen. In my attorney’s filings, we’ve argued that more time with his father would disrupt his life and routine with his siblings here at home. So, his father has chosen to bring this teenager into our son’s life, disrupting not only this child’s world but also ours.

Can you imagine being ten years old and meeting your brother for the first time — when he’s already thirteen?

Not that it would be a problem for many not in this situation, but he has been in this child's life in tiny spurts for the past 7 years. He starts to get to know this little boy, spends a few days, and then a year or longer passes, and he does it again. That's why my son was never introduced to him; he isn't around long enough to get to know him.

Post-Separation Abuse is Real

This is what so many of us live with after we leave. The abuse doesn’t always stop when we escape. It just changes shape.

There is so much more to this story, and I will share more as I am able so you can get a full, holistic view of what this journey looks like. But I wanted to make sure to get this out to our blog today so you know that I am not some high-up official spewing garbage but a mother who still fights every single day to protect her child. I am still in this battle. I am still fighting the system.

I am right here with you.

Healing isn’t a straight line. But you are still here, and that means you are still fighting. Work with Blooming Lilies LLC to help raise awareness.