Maybe you're wondering:

• "Am I going crazy?"
• "Is this normal behavior?"
• "Am I being too sensitive?"
• "Why do I feel so confused all the time?"

First, let's be clear: The fact that you're asking these questions shows you're not crazy. It shows you're aware that something doesn't feel right.

Why People Search "Am I Being Gaslit?"

Common reasons:

• You feel confused about what's real
• Someone makes you question your memory
• You apologize constantly but don't know why
• You feel like you're "walking on eggshells"
• Friends and family seem concerned about your relationship

Important truth: Healthy relationships don't make you question your sanity.

Understanding Your Doubts

Normal Disagreements vs. Gaslighting

In healthy relationships:

• People can disagree and still respect each other
• Both people's feelings matter
• Mistakes are acknowledged and apologized for
• You feel heard even when you disagree

In gaslighting situations:

• Your reality is constantly questioned
• Your feelings are dismissed or minimized
• The other person never admits they're wrong
• You end up doubting yourself instead of the issue being resolved

Why You Might Feel Uncertain

It's normal to feel unsure because:

• Gaslighting happens slowly over time
• It starts with small things that seem unimportant
• The person doing it might be someone you love and trust
• You want to believe the best about people you care about

Remember: Your instincts brought you here. Trust them.

⚠️ SAFETY NOTE: If you are in immediate danger, call 911. If you need to leave this page quickly, press the ESC key twice or click your browser's back button. Consider using private browsing mode when reading about abuse.

The Complete Gaslighting Assessment

How to Take This Assessment

Instructions:

• Answer honestly about your current or recent relationship
• If a question doesn't apply exactly, choose the closest answer
• Think about patterns, not just one-time events
• Take your time - there's no rush

Scoring:

• Never = 0 points
• Sometimes = 1 point
• Often = 2 points
• Almost Always = 3 points

Part 1: Memory and Reality (10 Questions)

Question 1: Do you question your memory of conversations or events?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 2: Does this person deny saying things you clearly remember them saying?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 3: Do you find yourself saying "Maybe I'm remembering it wrong"?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 4: Does this person change details about past events to make themselves look better?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 5: Do you feel like you need to record conversations or write things down to remember them correctly?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 6: Does this person insist that things happened differently than you remember?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 7: Do you feel confused about what actually happened in important conversations?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 8: Does this person act like you have a bad memory when you remember things they don't want to discuss?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 9: Do you doubt your own perceptions of events that happened?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 10: Does this person make you feel like you can't trust your own memory?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Part 1 Total: ___/30

Part 2: Emotional Responses (10 Questions)

Question 11: Do you apologize even when you're not sure what you did wrong?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 12: Are you told you're "too sensitive" when you express hurt feelings?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 13: Do you feel like your emotions are wrong or inappropriate?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 14: Does this person dismiss your feelings as "overreacting" or "being dramatic"?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 15: Do you feel guilty for having needs or wants in the relationship?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 16: Does this person make you feel crazy for having normal emotional reactions?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 17: Do you find yourself constantly explaining or justifying your feelings?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 18: Does this person turn situations around to make you feel like the problem?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 19: Do you feel like you have to hide your true feelings to avoid conflict?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 20: Does this person make you feel ashamed of your emotional responses?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Part 2 Total: ___/30

Part 3: Behavioral Changes (10 Questions)

Question 21: Have you stopped sharing your feelings to avoid arguments?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 22: Do you feel like you're "walking on eggshells" around this person?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 23: Have you become more isolated from friends and family since this relationship started?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 24: Do you find yourself making excuses for this person's behavior to others?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 25: Have you changed your behavior to avoid this person's anger or disappointment?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 26: Do you feel like you can't be yourself around this person?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 27: Have you stopped doing things you enjoy because this person disapproves?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 28: Do you constantly monitor this person's mood to avoid setting them off?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 29: Have you lost confidence in your ability to make decisions?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Question 30: Do you feel like you need this person's approval for normal life choices?

• Never (0) | Sometimes (1) | Often (2) | Almost Always (3)

Part 3 Total: ___/30

Calculating Your Results

Total Your Scores

• Part 1 (Memory & Reality): ___/30
• Part 2 (Emotional Responses): ___/30
• Part 3 (Behavioral Changes): ___/30
• Overall Total: ___/90

Score Interpretation

0-15 Points: Low Concern What this means:

• Your relationship shows few signs of gaslighting
• You likely have healthy communication patterns
• You trust your own perceptions and memory

What to do:

• Continue trusting your instincts
• Maintain healthy boundaries
• Stay connected with friends and family

16-35 Points: Some Concerning Patterns What this means:

• You're experiencing some behaviors that could be early signs of gaslighting
• There may be communication issues that need addressing
• You might be in a relationship with some unhealthy dynamics

What to do:

• Pay attention to patterns of behavior
• Document incidents that make you feel confused or upset
• Consider couples counseling if both people are willing to work on the relationship
• Talk to trusted friends or family about your concerns
• Learn about healthy relationship boundaries

Red flags to watch for:

• Behaviors getting worse over time
• Feeling more confused or doubtful about yourself
• Increasing isolation from support systems

36-60 Points: Significant Signs of Gaslighting What this means:

• You are likely experiencing gaslighting in your relationship
• This is causing real harm to your mental health and well-being
• The patterns you're experiencing are not normal or healthy

What to do immediately:

• Trust that your experiences are real and valid
• Start documenting incidents safely (private journal, password-protected notes)
• Reach out to trusted friends or family for support
• Consider individual therapy with someone who understands emotional abuse
• Learn about safety planning

Important reminders:

• This is not your fault
• You're not "too sensitive" or "crazy"
• You deserve to be treated with respect
• Help is available

61-90 Points: Strong Indicators of Severe Gaslighting What this means:

• You are experiencing significant psychological manipulation
• This level of gaslighting can cause serious mental health effects
• You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship
• Your safety and well-being are at risk

What to do immediately:

• Prioritize your safety above all else
• Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
• Consider creating a safety plan
• Document everything you can safely
• Reach out to domestic violence professionals for help
• Consider individual therapy specializing in trauma and abuse

Emergency resources:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988

Remember: You are not alone, and this is not your fault.

Understanding Your Specific Results

If You Scored High in Memory & Reality

This means:

• Someone is actively working to make you doubt your perceptions
• Your memory and reality are being systematically attacked
• This is a core component of gaslighting

What you might notice:

• Feeling confused about what really happened
• Constantly questioning your own memory
• Feeling like you can't trust your own mind

What to do:

• Start keeping a private journal of events
• Trust your initial instincts about what happened
• Consider recording conversations (where legal) for your own clarity

If You Scored High in Emotional Responses

This means:

• Your feelings are being dismissed and invalidated
• You're being made to feel wrong for having normal emotions
• This affects your self-worth and confidence

What you might notice:

• Feeling guilty for having feelings
• Constantly apologizing for your emotional reactions
• Feeling like you're "too much" or "too sensitive"

What to do:

• Remind yourself that your feelings are valid
• Practice self-compassion
• Seek support from people who validate your emotions

If You Scored High in Behavioral Changes

This means:

• The gaslighting has caused you to change how you act
• You're adapting your behavior to avoid conflict or criticism
• You may be losing your sense of self

What you might notice:

• Not feeling like yourself anymore
• Avoiding topics or activities you used to enjoy
• Feeling like you're constantly performing or pretending

What to do:

• Reconnect with activities you enjoyed before this relationship
• Spend time with people who make you feel like yourself
• Consider what changes you want to make to reclaim your identity

Other Forms of Psychological Manipulation

Gaslighting often happens alongside other manipulative behaviors.

Love Bombing

What it is: Overwhelming you with affection and attention early in a relationship.

Signs:

• Excessive gifts and compliments
• Wanting to move very fast in the relationship
• Making you feel like you're "soulmates" immediately
• Becoming angry when you want to slow down

Why it's harmful: It creates an intense emotional bond quickly, making it harder to see red flags later.

Emotional Withholding

What it is: Deliberately withdrawing affection, communication, or attention as punishment.

Signs:

• Silent treatment when they're upset
• Refusing to discuss problems
• Acting cold or distant without explanation
• Making you "earn" their attention back

Why it's harmful: It makes you anxious and willing to do anything to restore the connection.

Triangulation

What it is: Bringing other people into conflicts to make you feel jealous, insecure, or crazy.

Signs:

• Comparing you unfavorably to others
• Talking about how great their ex was
• Flirting with others to make you jealous
• Getting validation from others about how "difficult" you are

Why it's harmful: It makes you compete for their attention and doubt your own worth.

Projection

What it is: Accusing you of things they're actually doing themselves.

Signs:

• Accusing you of lying when they lie
• Calling you controlling when they're controlling
• Saying you're cheating when they might be cheating
• Claiming you're manipulative when they manipulate

Why it's harmful: It confuses you and makes you defend yourself instead of addressing their behavior.

Financial Control

What it is: Using money to control and manipulate you.

Signs:

• Controlling all the finances
• Not letting you work or go to school
• Hiding financial information from you
• Using money as a threat or punishment

Why it's harmful: It makes you financially dependent and harder to leave the relationship.

What Your Results Mean for Your Relationship

If You Scored Low (0-15)

Your relationship likely has:

• Healthy communication patterns
• Mutual respect for each other's perspectives
• Normal conflict resolution
• Support for each other's independence

Moving forward:

• Continue building on these healthy patterns
• Address any small issues before they become bigger problems
• Maintain your individual identity and friendships
• Keep learning about healthy relationship skills

If You Scored in the Middle (16-35)

Your relationship might have:

• Some communication problems that can be addressed
• Patterns that could develop into bigger issues
• One person who needs to learn better relationship skills
• Situations that require setting clearer boundaries

Moving forward:

• Have honest conversations about the concerning behaviors
• Consider couples counseling if both people are willing
• Set clear boundaries about respectful communication
• Pay attention to whether things improve or get worse

Warning signs to watch for:

• Resistance to changing the problematic behaviors
• Escalation when you try to address issues
• Blame and defensiveness instead of accountability

If You Scored High (36-90)

Your relationship likely involves:

• Emotional abuse and manipulation
• One person having too much power and control
• Harm to your mental health and well-being
• Patterns that are unlikely to change without major intervention

Moving forward:

• Focus on your safety and well-being first
• Get support from professionals who understand abuse
• Consider whether this relationship is healthy for you
• Learn about what healthy relationships actually look like

Important considerations:

• Couples counseling is not recommended for abusive relationships
• Change is possible but requires the abuser to take full responsibility
• You are not responsible for fixing or changing another person
• Your safety and happiness matter

Immediate Steps You Can Take Right Now

If You Scored Low

Today:

• Appreciate the healthy aspects of your relationship
• Continue any personal growth or relationship skills you're working on
• Stay connected with your support network

This week:

• Have a conversation with your partner about maintaining healthy communication
• Check in with yourself about your own needs and boundaries

If You Scored in the Middle

Today:

• Trust your instincts about what feels wrong
• Start keeping notes about concerning incidents
• Reach out to one trusted person for support

This week:

• Have a direct conversation about the behaviors that concern you
• Research healthy relationship resources
• Consider individual therapy to explore your feelings

This month:

• Evaluate whether the concerning behaviors are improving
• Strengthen your support network
• Learn more about setting healthy boundaries

If You Scored High

Today:

• Remind yourself that this is not your fault
• Find one safe person you can talk to
• Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline if you need immediate support: 1-800-799-7233

This week:

• Start documenting incidents safely (private journal, password-protected files)
• Research local domestic violence resources
• Begin individual therapy if possible

This month:

• Create a safety plan with the help of domestic violence professionals
• Strengthen your support network
• Consider what changes you want to make for your safety and well-being

Building Your Reality-Testing Skills

When you've been gaslit, you may need to rebuild your ability to trust your own perceptions.

Daily Reality Checks

Ask yourself:

• How did that conversation make me feel?
• What did I actually hear and see?
• Would I tell a friend this behavior is okay?
• Does this match how I want to be treated?

Keep a Feelings Journal

Write down:

• What happened (just the facts)
• How it made you feel
• What you think about the situation
• Whether the other person's response matched the situation

Trust Your Body

Pay attention to:

• Feeling tense or anxious around certain people
• Your stomach feeling upset during or after conversations
• Feeling exhausted after spending time with someone
• Physical signs of stress

Remember: Your body often knows something is wrong before your mind does.

Check with Trusted People

Ask people you trust:

• "Does this sound normal to you?"
• "How would you feel if someone said this to you?"
• "Am I being reasonable in this situation?"

Choose people who:

• Listen without judgment
• Support your well-being
• Have healthy relationships themselves
• Don't have a reason to side with the other person

When to Seek Professional Help

Signs You Need Professional Support

• You feel confused about reality most of the time
• You're having trouble functioning in daily life
• You feel depressed, anxious, or hopeless regularly
• You're having thoughts of hurting yourself
• You feel trapped and don't know how to move forward

Types of Professional Help

Individual Therapy:

• Trauma-informed counselors who understand abuse
• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for anxiety and depression
• EMDR therapy for processing traumatic experiences
• Support for rebuilding self-trust and confidence

Domestic Violence Services:

• Safety planning and risk assessment
• Support groups for survivors
• Legal advocacy and assistance
• Emergency shelter and housing help

Crisis Support:

• 24/7 hotlines for immediate help
• Text-based crisis support
• Emergency counseling services
• Mobile crisis response teams

How to Find Help

Free and low-cost options:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• Local domestic violence organizations
• Community mental health centers
• University training clinics

What to look for in a therapist:

• Experience with domestic violence and emotional abuse
• Trauma-informed care approaches
• Non-judgmental attitude
• Respect for your pace and decisions
• Cultural competence for your background

Next Steps Based on Your Results

For Everyone

Regardless of your score:

• Trust that your instincts brought you here for a reason
• Your feelings and experiences are valid
• You deserve relationships that make you feel valued and respected
• Help is available if you need it

Remember Your Strength

You are already showing strength by:

• Questioning a situation that doesn't feel right
• Seeking information to understand your experiences
• Taking time to evaluate your relationship
• Caring enough about yourself to look for answers

You Have Options

No matter what your situation:

• You don't have to stay in relationships that harm you
• You can get help and support
• You can rebuild your confidence and trust in yourself
• You can create the life you want

Take Your Time

There's no rush to:

• Make major decisions immediately
• Figure everything out right now
• Leave or stay in any relationship
• Have all the answers

You can:

• Take this one day at a time
• Gather more information and support
• Focus on your safety and well-being first
• Make changes at your own pace

Final Reminders

Your Experience Matters

• The fact that you're asking "Am I being gaslit?" is significant
• Your feelings of confusion and doubt are real
• You don't need anyone else's permission to trust yourself
• Your version of events is just as valid as anyone else's

You Are Not Alone

• Millions of people have experienced what you're going through
• There are people who understand and want to help
• Support groups and online communities exist for people like you
• Many people have successfully healed from these experiences

You Deserve Better

• You deserve relationships based on mutual respect
• You deserve to feel safe and valued
• You deserve to trust your own thoughts and feelings
• You deserve kindness and understanding

Help Is Available

24/7 Resources:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
• TheHotline.org (online chat available)

Additional Resources:

• NNEDV.org (National Network to End Domestic Violence)
• LoveIsRespect.org (for teens and young adults)
• RAINN.org (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
• Local domestic violence organizations in your area

You Can Trust Yourself Again

Recovery from gaslighting is possible. With time, support, and self-compassion, you can:

• Rebuild confidence in your own perceptions
• Trust your feelings and instincts
• Form healthy, respectful relationships
• Help others who are going through similar experiences

Remember: Taking this assessment was an act of courage and self-care. Whatever your results, you deserve support, respect, and love.

References

Arabi, S. (2021). Becoming the narcissist's nightmare: How to devalue and discard the narcissist while supplying yourself. Thought Catalog Books.

Barton, R. (2019). Gaslighting & narcissistic abuse recovery: Don't allow them to manipulate your reality. Independently published.

Carnes, P. J. (2019). The betrayal bond: Breaking free of exploitive relationships (Rev. ed.). Health Communications.

Forward, S., & Frazier, D. (2020). Emotional blackmail: When the people in your life use fear, obligation, and guilt to manipulate you. William Morrow Paperbacks.

Hirigoyen, M. F. (2015). Stalking the soul: Emotional abuse and the erosion of identity. Helen Marx Books.

National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2023). What is gaslighting? Retrieved from https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-gaslighting/

National Domestic Violence Hotline. (2023). Emotional and psychological abuse. Retrieved from https://www.thehotline.org/resources/types-of-abuse/

Sarkis, S. (2018). Gaslighting: Recognize manipulative and emotionally abusive people—and break free. Da Capo Lifelong Books.

Stern, R. (2018). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulations other people use to control your life. Harmony Books.

Sweet, P. L. (2019). The sociology of gaslighting. American Sociological Review, 84(5), 851-875. https://doi.org/10.1177/0003122419874843

Walker, L. E. (2016). The battered woman syndrome (4th ed.). Springer Publishing Company.

Author Note

This assessment is for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional psychological evaluation or therapy. If you are in crisis or experiencing thoughts of self-harm, please contact emergency services or a mental health professional immediately.

The assessment questions are based on established research about gaslighting and psychological manipulation in relationships. However, every situation is unique, and professional guidance from qualified mental health practitioners or domestic violence advocates is recommended for anyone experiencing abuse.

If you scored high on this assessment, please consider reaching out to domestic violence professionals who can provide personalized support and safety planning.

Disclaimer: The scoring interpretations provided are general guidelines based on patterns commonly seen in gaslighting situations. Individual experiences may vary, and professional assessment is always recommended for comprehensive evaluation and support.